Or
You Vill Sign Ze Pay-prz!
Transcripts from a recent disclosure obtained purely through government sanctioned use of telepathic communications devices.
A Short Fiction
By
David A. Archer
02/15/1968
09/07/2006
Yeah, sure…. why not…."Pin and Taller" did it, the "Ponk Magician" did it, that anonymous magician guy did it, so why shouldn't I?
Allot of people don't know it, even most of those which others might normally call friends. But I have had a long standing correspondence relationship with Wink Martendale…
########### Time Code/Signal Test Pattern #########
((Do you mean the former head of the C.I.A.?))
########### Time Code/Signal Test Pattern #########
….Yes, the former head of the C.I.A….... and up until most recently, we have conversed about a good many things. Many things, which I am now going to divulge in nothing more than the modern and quite accepted mode of trivial vengeance and tantrum throwing based on a slight discrepancy between our personal interests…..
…Now, with all professionalism aside and since it is that such matters are best not dwelt upon, I am simply going to cut right to the chase so to speak…..
~~~~~~~~~~~
The conspiracy theorists were all wrong pertaining to the Kennedy assassination; There WAS a magic bullet. Up until that point, "they" had been developing it for years and were just looking for a place to use it. To test it out as it were. They since have stopped using it even in warfare as it just presents far too many questions which no one wants to spend time answering. I know it sounds silly... “why didn't they just openly market it as a "Magic Bullet?" You may ask…? Everyone would have purchased it and then used it is the biggest reason... and that just wouldn't sit right with the N.R.A. or the various groups which oppose them. Not to mention, hunting season would just be far too crazy.
We haven't ever actually been into space. We were just the first country that figured out how to get the best professional baseball pitchers to drink a secret "growing formula" which acts temporarily, so they could throw things there. Particularly cameras and the like.... but if you ask any professional pitcher, they of course will lie in the fear of losing their chance at the baseball hall of fame. I should state that there have been experiments using basketball players and even some quarterbacks, but allot of ego stuff got in the way being that the basketball players always want to "dunk it" and the quarter backs always seem to need a receiver with a definite route to "throw into."
There is actually a Santa Claus, but he is one pissed elf these days, so all of the corporate interest that actually pissed him off, teamed up to kind of keep it all going until either our version of the human species dies out, or the little fat elf gets over it. In fact it is widely known within the more prominent circles of American society, that it is all anyone can do to keep Bush and his corporate influence, from sending a crack squad of Santa catchers to put him into Guantanamo, simply out of spite from some discrepancy in his childhood.
Watergate actually did happen, but it was really only a practical joke played at a cocktail party by a bunch of old frat buddies. It seems that they were all just kind of bored so they drew straws to see who would play what part in one of the best applied versions of creative use of Shakespeare ever to happen. Of course that is, until the activity caught on, and they have all been trying to one up each other since. There really isn't any political atmosphere in the United States, it is just a bunch of old frat buddies and sorority girls playing with old scripts.
There are various secret society organizations related to the encrypted messages a person can find on American forms of currency, but they aren't really used for anything except getting free all day passes at any Disney amusement park... or free promotional materials at any Disney affiliated corporate business. It has been like that since they stopped using it for free pony rides at county fairs... which coincidentally is around the same time that the first Disney Theme Park opened. Some more rural places in the western United States, still manage to get the free pony rides in at the county fair, but they really have to be careful not to upset Disney for obvious reasons.
The C.I.A. actually DID introduce L.S.D. into the youth culture of the United States, and still use it themselves. It was a political ploy to get Wink Martendale his job... they figured that if he didn't get the job through the discord produced within society - and thusly smearing the credibility of his opponents... then it was a sure thing that he would get the job with everyone involved being high on acid...especially when exposed to his game show during the peak effect of the chemical enhancement.
J. Edgar Hoover's "Sexual Blackmail"; Yeah, it happened and still does... but contrary to popular belief, it is actually a sort of "club" that people seek to get into, as it has become a prerequisite to participate in order to view all of the other "home style porn" that populates the public political offices.. and word has it, that there is some really freaky stuff…which is one of the areas I contest with my ol’ pal, Wink… Further, it is a "kicker" or a "perk" these days in regard to the "Free All Day Pass" to Disney Theme Parks.
The Government placing U.F.O. sighters and "believers" on a watch list as risks of subversion; This is very much true as well...but what the government doesn't know is that the conspiracy they fear in subversive measures as inspiration for such a list, is quite true all the same, they just can't seem to admit that it is really little green alien guys that are doing it for fun, instead of the widely believed government propaganda pertaining to some foreign government ploy.
Since it is that I have already risked much in divulging this information, I really can't see any reason not to expose another conspiracy which is currently being investigated as per the potential social productivity in ramifications and outcome - especially considering the fact that I am doing so completely against my will and under the influence of truth serum… not to mention that garden hose….;
In order to understand the “Professional Show Dog Groomers Theory” as it has been categorized, you need to realize that everything is controlled by the Duck Fat Users Of America (that is the D.F.U.A ), made up of fry cooks everywhere with help from another organization known as the Desperate Whore Check Mongers (the D.W.C.M).
The conspiracy was developed and was first started during the advent of the welfare system in The United States Of America. It has simply taken this long to reach a point in size to be of influence. They have been responsible for many events throughout history, including but not limited to affirmative action as it is most widely abused in use and placement.
Today, members of the conspiracy are everywhere. They can be identified by being Canadian and thinking they are a funny comedian - even having obtained work in the field. Having grown through recruiting even non-Canadian participants who also seem to think that they are comedians.
They want to drop the toilet seat on The Technorati and imprison resisters in a secret location in or around the Seattle Washington area, using an affiliated group claiming to travel in flight by flapping their arms really fast for a long time.
Obviously, this movement has picked up attributes peripherally of the L.S.D. experiments.
Further it is rumored that prisoners are subject to deafening levels of various television reruns as well as a constant exposure to that "yellow brick road" movie played on the walls of all of the cells. This while being subject to mind blowing doses of said L.S.D. and other hallucinogens.
In order to prepare for this to really take effect on society, it is suggested in the secret agent realms, that we all must begin to slowly lower the toilet seat.
Since the media is controlled by a person known only as Roy G. Biv, we should get our information from a popular coffee outlet instead.
With that said, and unless you are going to break out the thumbscrews, I believe I will retire from this secret meeting... as long as you are sure that the minutes and notes have been well recorded....
Now, if you would kindly remove the garden hose and direct me back to my cell...
...And, I would appreciate a wake up call at zero 9:30 please... in time for brunch if you don't mind.....
.......Over easy, bacon, wheat toast.
…why do they always burn the toast?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
########### Time Code/Signal Test Pattern #########
########### Time Code/Signal Test Pattern #########
########### Time Code/Signal Test Pattern #########
posted by Nefarious Aflatus | 1:20 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home